For the Love of Symmetry
by Fynney and the Jets
Summary: If you love it so much, why dontcha marry it!" a tale of a boy and his tape measurer, a sacred bond of OCD. Crack fic.


Kid and his OCD make me smile, but Soul Eater belongs not to me.

* * *

There was nothing in the world more wondrous than perfect symmetry. Nothing. Symmetry was infallible and constant. And for Death the Kid, symmetry was sanity; symmetry was strength.

And woe unto he who dares disrupt that equilibrium.

It was a sunny afternoon in Death City. A day with no extra lessons, a day to relax. Thus we find the ragtag group of weapons and technicians lounging (read: making a spectacle of themselves) around a small and circular table in Deathbucks Coffee. It was no different than their usual affairs: Tsubaki was talking small with Maka about the finer details of the latest missions, Black Star was claiming to be god over caffeine, and Patty was crafting animals out of the cardboard cup holders that were provided with each purchase. The usual.

And Kid? Kid was glaring. And that glare turned to a twitch. And that twitch into a spasm, until finally Liz had to slap the almost symmetrical male back into reality. The usual.

What wasn't the usual was that Liz had forgotten to take his tape measurer off of the lad before they had left the house that morning. And the bags of ground coffee were just sheer torture; their symmetrical potential so high, yet they bulged and bent in the most unattractive manner.

Something must be done.

Rearranging the coffee was one thing, but once Kid got going, he didn't stop until anything and everything was in order. He positioned each seasonal mug so that each handle was turned to the exact same angle. He defaced the specials board for imperfect lettering. He stole a little girl's teddy bear because one of the ears had fallen off.

Needless to say, the obscenely chipper baristas were not maids of happiness and sunshine when they kicked the seven Shibusen students out.

"KID! WHAT THE HECK! YOU STOPPED MY CONQUEST OF THE HIDDEN DEATHBUCKS MENU BEFORE IT EVEN STARTED!" Black Star bemoaned, bitter at the loss of his battle.

"The prints on the wall were tilted to the right by half of an inch, I had to fix it." It had been hideous, to be uneven by such a slight degree. "The workers of Deathbucks should thank me, in all honesty. To think that they had to look at such dissymmetry all day."

"Kid," Liz began, placing her hands on her hips, "you were measuring another customer's eyebrows. I'm surprised they didn't ban us for life. Now hand over the tape measurer."

"No." The elder Thompson sister's eyes narrowed. Tsubaki sighed. Black Star and Patty began munching on the extra super buttery popcorn the former always had on him, just in case. Kid's fingers clutched the rolled ruler even tighter. "I will never again allow you to steal Hannah away from me!" There was a resolute ring to his voice, and his stance was proud.

The silence lasted all of three seconds. Black Star was the first to laugh, and between gasping giggles he managed to speak. "You—named your—— tape measurer—Hannah—?" the rest of the thought dissolved into laughter.

"Of course, what else would one name a tool of symmetry? Hannah, being a palindrome, is one of the most symmetrical names out there."

"You—named your—tape measurer—Hannah!" Now Kid was starting to get angry.

"I've already said as much, Black Star. And there is nothing wrong with the name Hannah!"

"You named your tape measurer Hannah!"

"YES, I NAMED MY TAPE MEASURER HANNAH, OKAY?"

Laughter was his only answer.

"Don't you DARE laugh at Hannah! She's always there for me, and only she truly understands the beauty of perfect symmetry!" Black Star laughed even harder.

"Well if you like her so much, why dontcha marry her!"

Kid paused, his shoulders falling back into a comfortable slouch. He looked at Hannah. He looked at Black Star. And the light of epiphany shined in his eyes.

"You know, that's not such a bad idea, Black Star." With that, Kid pocketed the tape measurer, and walked away. "I'll see you all later, Hannah and I are going to get married now."

…

"KID!"

* * *

I may or may not add onto this, but I fealt it needed to be done.

I finally decided I needed to write after ch. 12 of Soul Eater for the Teenaged Soul. Because Spazz attacks are just so fun.


End file.
